


Contrast

by fruitspunchsamuraiGdis



Category: Gintama
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Love, M/M, Past Character Death, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Trouble, gintama - Freeform, i love them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 10:48:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18248312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fruitspunchsamuraiGdis/pseuds/fruitspunchsamuraiGdis
Summary: Sougo is falling, andit hurts it hurts it hurts,he wants to say…Except it doesn’t.





	Contrast

_  
“Sou-chan.”_

_His eyes are full of tears as she lays on her deathbed, stroking his cheek._

_“It’s okay that it wasn’t me.” His eyes are going wide, full of disbelief._

_She knew._

_“No… I don’t—“ His voice is weak and he knows she’s seen through his lies._

_“Listen.” Her voice is fading rapidly._

_“I wanted to tell you that it’s—“_

__  
-

 

He wasn’t an idiot. 

He still remembers the day it happened. 

The way the love of his sisters life rejected her harshly as she confessed. The way he coldly turned away and left her all to herself, while she cried. 

He knew how much Mitsuba wished to marry Hijikata.

So he kept everything to himself. 

He knew everything that occurred that day. 

Like how he hid himself as he heard his sister speak to Hijikata, and Sougo was there, back pressed up against the dojo walls. 

He hated Hijikata for refusing her. 

And he hated himself even more for the breath of relief that had escaped his lips. 

 

-

 

Sougo thinks he doesn’t hate himself so much, on good days that is. 

He also likes to think he holds nothing but hate for the black haired man right in front of him. 

“Oi, Hijikata.”

“What?”

The cigarette is removed from the man’s mouth, and the younger man is crushing it under his foot now. 

“Die.”

The taller man looks unfazed, staring at him for a second before turning away. 

Sougo scowls. 

 

-

 

They never talked about it when she died. 

Or before that. 

He looks up to find Hijikata’s eyes trailed on him, and as soon their eyes make contact, Hijikata looks away, clearing his throat. 

“Kondo-san’s calling for you.”

Sougo gets up and leaves the room without saying a word, ignoring the rise of red in his cheeks, pretending he couldn’t feel it. 

 

-

 

Sougo knows it, he’s known. 

So when Hijikata is on him one night, he forgets how they got there, and he forgets that he was supposed to remember for a moment. 

About her. 

He feels something prickling in the back of his eyes, and Hijikata was going to kiss him just now, but he stops, because the wide eyed brown haired man can’t seem to stop the tears flowing freely down his face. 

He wants to ask why Hijikata chose him, he wants to hate the man for it but he can’t. His sister was beautiful and brilliant and peaceful and she was so unlike Sougo so why…

Why didn’t Hijikata love her the way he should’ve? 

The black haired man stays looming above him, then he moves himself forward, his chin resting above Sougo’s chest, face burying itself into the man’s neck, and his eyes are shut and his arms are around the smaller man’s, and Sougo realizes despite everything that’s happened—

He loves him.

“I can’t.” 

Hijikata doesn’t seem surprised, he only looks down at the floor in response. 

He wouldn’t pressure Sougo into anything, he knows just as well how much Mitsuba loved him. 

Sougo’s hands tremble, but he doesn’t let go. 

“I…” Hijikata begins, but Sougo stops him. 

“ _Don’t._ ” His tone is a bit desperate this time. 

All he had left, all he was holding onto was staying silent. 

“I want to say this, before you—“

“Hijikata—“ 

“I love you.” 

Sougo’s hands drop to his sides, and Hijikata is standing up again, staring as the brown haired man avoids his gaze. 

Sougo is falling, and _it hurts it hurts it hurts,_ he wants to say…

Except it doesn’t. 

Hijikata is out of the room, and he’s left on his own to think about the words. 

He feels his legs give out and he’s on his knees. 

He hasn’t cried this hard since Mitsuba died. 

 

-

 

He’s going to ignore Hijikata forever, he thinks. 

He’s going to kill Hijikata like he always said he would. 

_”Sou-chan.”_

He grips his legs as he sits amongst the other men. 

He’s avoiding Hijikata, but the other man seems unfazed, smoking a cigarette as Kondo speaks to him. 

Their eyes meet for a moment, and it’s Hijikata who breaks it.

Sougo’s knuckles go white, angry. 

 

-

 

“Kondo sent me to speak with you.” 

The black haired man’s voice is stoic and clear. 

Sougo looks up from his bed, eyes boring into Hijikata’s. 

“Get your shit together.” 

Sougo’s tone is nonchalant as he opens his mouth. 

“Shit together? The only shit I—“

“Cut it out, Sougo.” 

Sougo merely scoffs. 

Hijikata is walking up to him, and Sougo feels like he’s going mad. 

He laughs, feeling empty. 

“She loved you.” 

Hijikata’s gaze is as cold as ice. 

“I loved her too.” 

Sougo moves forward quickly, and he’s going to kill him, he thinks, as he slams him down on the floor, eyes wild. He’s grabbing him by the collar, and he hates this more than anything. 

“You didn’t love her…” Sougo’s voice breaks off and he’s trying to speak but it’s hard to find the words. 

“Not like…” Hijikata’s stance lowers, and his mask is breaking. 

“…Not like you love me…” The words are almost a whisper, and Hijikata’s face is unreadable, but Sougo’s is an open book now.

He’s torn. 

Between his love and his sister’s. 

He tries to get up because he can’t break down again, he said he wouldn’t. He needs to compose himself, be the Sougo that everybody knows. The heartless man who serves only Kondo. 

But Hijikata is pulling him down, and he’s wrapping his arms around him, hugging him. Sougo melts, let’s himself be dragged down into it. 

“You think I don’t know that?” Hijikata’s voice is small now too. 

Sougo stays silent. 

“If I could love her like this— I would’ve.” Hijikata says nothing more, and Sougo doesn’t know if it’s because he has nothing left to say or because he doesn’t want Sougo to know he’s crying. 

Maybe they’re both broken, he thinks, as he allows himself to be taken in, allows his heart to fall like it did before. 

Maybe Mitsuba knew too. 

 

-

 

It happens when Sougo’s sitting in Hijikata’s room, setting down his paperwork from Kondo. 

Hijikata writes and Sougo stares blankly, staying in that same position. 

Hijikata stops for a moment, placing his pen down. 

“Kondo said—“ He’s cut off abruptly when Hijikata yanks him forward into his grip. 

Sougo doesn’t move. 

He just closes his eyes, taking in his warmth. 

He feels Hijikata’s chin brush against his cheek, then his chapped lips against his forehead, pressing a gentle kiss to the skin. 

His heart squeezes, and his cheeks flush, entire face reddening at the gesture. 

The black haired man sighs against his hair, and Sougo finds himself trying to press closer. 

Hijikata is warm. 

 

-

 

They’re in an old, broken down room when Sougo does it. 

“Have you found anything?” Hijikata is asking him, and Sougo looks up. 

Dead bodies were a trouble to search. 

“I think.” 

“Where?” 

“Over here.” 

Hijikata shuffled through the rubble, making his way over to the younger man. 

He squinted his eyes, searching. 

“I don’t see any—“ 

He’s cut off when Sougo grabs him and pulls him over, closing the distance between them. 

Hijikata tastes like cigarettes, not that Sougo expected anything else. 

Sougo’s body buzzed with warmth. 

“Oh.” The sound left Hijikata’s lips as they parted, and Sougo watched him carefully. 

A small smile made its way to Hijikata’s face, and the man looked down, trying to hide the blush on his face. 

Sougo stood dumbfounded at the look, red rising to his cheeks as well. 

They stood there in silence for a moment, until Sougo broke it. 

“Die, Hijikata.” 

The man scowled at him as Sougo walked away back to Kondo and the others. 

If he was smiling, Hijikata didn’t notice that either. 

 

-

__

_“I wanted to tell you that it’s okay to be with the one you love.”_

__

**Author's Note:**

> my other favorite idiots. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own Gintama, this was just inspired by it.


End file.
